And some of the people did grumble and were discontent with the Lord their God and the food restrictions which had been levied against them. Therefore Ben of the Tribe of Bar-Judah and Judith the daughter of Rascha did make their complaints before the Aaron and Moses. "We can not eat this kosher food," they grumbled. "The killing of animals makes us sick to our stomach and who knows what those animals have been eating out here in the desert," they complained. "Moreover," they said "we firmly believe that animals have rights and feelings too. Why should we kill another living thing so that we can eat?"

Moses rebuked them saying, "The Lord has established our ways and his laws and promises are sure. We should not defer from the covenant laws set forth to our father Abraham."

But the people were not content in their grumbling and said, "The Egyptians did but feast on all manner of food. There food was grown fresh by the Nile and delivered fresh to Trader Pharaoh's. Can not our Lord but provide for our needs? He made the animals for beauty and pleasure. Why should we destroy what the Lord has made?" "Moreover," they continued, "our stomachs are made sick by the

And Moses did petition the Lord God before the people up on Mount Sinai saying, "Have you not heard the groaning of your vegetarian peoples' bowels. Their systems can not handle the weight of this kosher meat you have given them." But the Lord reestablished his laws with his people and said, "I am that I am. Thou shalt have no other food, but that which is kosher." But again Moses petitioned, "Lord, thy people do beseech your graciousness. Will you not bless with more abundance than that of the Egyptians?" But again the Lord said, "I am that I am. Thou shalt have no other food, but that which is kosher." But again a third time Moses petitioned the Lord saying, "Lord, your people's bodies which you have made can not eat this meat for sacrifice. Will you not supply a substitute?" And the Lord's turned his heart towards Moses.

And Moses came down from the mount and assembled the people saying, "The Lord's Ten Commandments are sure." And the people did grumble. "However," Moses continued...

"And Commandments Eleven to Twenty are the same as One to Ten, just with tofu instead of meat."

And there was much rejoicing among the people.

Disclaimer: This story is for comedic content only and does not reflect actual, known biblical events.